Hardest Hue To Hold
by EilonwyCousland QueenofTragedy
Summary: Eren just wants one thing: to be with Cade Vatcher, his best friend. But Cade is an apostate. And mages belong in a circle, don't they? The Way of Thedas universe. Several original characters.
1. Chapter One

.~.~.~.

Eren's hands trembled. There was a ringing in his ears as Cade's words echoed in his head. "You're leaving? Where are you going?"

Cade looked at Eren, his thick brows furrowed. He grabbed his small pack and glanced out the window. "Where I belong, Eren," he mumbled.

Eren reached for Cade, grabbing the front of his shirt in his fists and looking into his deep blue eyes. "You belong with me, Cade," Eren whispered, desperate.

Cade shook his head. He held up his hand and lightning danced from his fingertips. "I belong in a Circle."

They had been through this before, a hundred times. Eren knew Cade felt guilty. He knew Cade had wanted to go to the Circle for a long time but Eren had always convinced him to stay. He'd plead and beg and cry and Cade would relent, saying he'd only stay a little while longer.

Eren traced the line of Cade's jaw with his finger. "Please, Cade," he began but Cade cut him off.

"Don't ask me to stay, Eren. This is what I want. Please," he whispered. His lips were so close and Eren stared at them a moment. He could hear how desperate Cade was.

Eren gulped and leaned his forehead against Cade's. "You don't want to be with me?" he asked.

Cade closed his eyes. "Don't ask me that. Just let me go," he answered.

Eren felt a tear trickle down his cheek. "But I love you."

"I know. Same," Cade mumbled.

Eren took a deep breath and stepped back. "Can I at least join you for the trip?" he asked with a sad smile.

Cade slowly shook his head. "Hard enough, saying goodbye now." He bent down and scratched their dog behind the ears.

Then he turned around and walked out the door. It took all of Eren's strength not to run after him. He closed his eyes and pictured Cade in his mind. His dark messy curls. That smile that Cade only ever made around him. The way his calloused hands felt in his. Eren let himself drop to his knees. Clutching at his short blonde hair, he let out a yell. It was full of hurt and anger. It wasn't fair. It shouldn't have to be this way.

For a moment, he considered running after Cade. He could convince him, if he tried. But Eren knew Cade would never be truly happy here with him.

_"It wouldn't be forever. I'd come for you."_ Eren could hear the words Cade had told him a few years ago, the first time they had fought about Cade going to a circle. He promised then he would return to Eren.

Eren got to his feet and wiped at his eyes. He was eighteen years old. Far too old to be crying. He looked down at Nameles. "Looks like it's just you and me for now, boy. He'll be back, Maker willing."

* * *

A/N: So, since this story is set in my Way of Thedas universe, I figured I should give some quick background for those who want it. This story takes place during the same general timeframe as The Way It Once Was, which is my childhood story of Ely Cousland and Nate Howe. Eren is the same age as Nate and Cade is Ely's age. I decided to try a different style of writing with this story. Instead of starting with the beginning, I'm starting with the end. I need to thank Karebear, who roleplayed and continues to roleplay as Cade for me. Cade is just as much her baby as mine at this point. Also, my friend Catie, who roleplayed as Bella and Jack for me as well as helped me with the title. This story would never have made it from my head to the screen if it wasn't for those two lovely ladies.


	2. Chapter Two

.~.~.~.

Cade sat hunched behind a stacked set of crates atop a small rock, watching his father work the docks. He wondered how long they would be here, this time. They never stayed in one place for long. Cade didn't care, really, but he knew it was hard on his sisters. He sighed and continued to watch his father.

His fingers itched. His magic was bursting to come out but he held it in. He had no choice. He couldn't let his parents know he had magic. It would only bring them trouble. There was only one person who knew, and Cade wished she didn't. Daine was the youngest and he hated that she had to carry his secret.

Daine tugged on his hand and looked at his face with worry.

"Is your magic still bothering you, brother?" she whispered.

He nodded his head. "It's always there. Magic doesn't go away," he answered.

Daine frowned. She was only five-years-old, but she was still able to keep her bother's secret. "I don't want you to be sent away," she whispered.

Cade sighed and leaned against the pile of crates. "You should go back home. Ma will be worried where you went."

Daine sniffed and hugged her bother again before racing back home. Cade blew out a long breath. He pulled out a small knife from his pocket and a lump of wood he had been working on. He enjoyed working with his hands and creating things. He liked the way the wood felt in his hands as he slowly brought its purpose to the surface. He furrowed his brow as he carefully pulled the knife along the wood. Shavings soon surrounded him but he didn't notice, all his concentration was focused on what he was doing. He was making a toy boat for Daine's birthday.

"What are you doing?" a voice said, startling him into looking up.

When he did, he saw a boy a few years older than he was with neat blonde hair and dark green eyes. His skin was marked with scattered pimples and a smudge of a dirt covered his chin. Cade felt nervous tension running through his body. He wanted to flee but there was no where to run.

The boy smiled. "My name is Eren Culliver. What are you making?" he asked, squatting down next to Cade.

Cade frowned and shuffled awkwardly. "Nothing," he replied stubbornly.

Eren peered closely at the younger boy. He looked to be about ten or eleven years old. His dark hair was messy and had a slight curl to it. His skin was a dark tan and his eyes were a deep blue, like Lake Calenhad. "Doesn't look like nothing. Let me see," he said.

Cade shook his head and held the boat closer to his chest. He waited, hoping the boy would go away and leave him to work in peace.

Cade glanced up once again, and scowled. "You need something?"

Eren's mouth opened in a wide grin, not bothered by the boy's gruff nature. "Not really. I'm bored and there isn't much to do in Redcliffe."

Something flickered quickly across Cade's face. He's never really been bored before. He's almost always working. He kicked the back of his heel against the rock, and noded toward the broken axle on the ground. "You can fix that, if you're so bored."

Eren looked at the piece of wood. "Uh. I was thinking something more fun," he replied with a chuckle.

Cade didn't answer, still focused on his carving. But he could feel himself relaxing a little. His gaze shifted from the wood in his hands to Eren- subtly studying him, and the docks- to make sure his dad was still working.

Eren stared blankly at the boy and then at the wood, back and forth, bewildered. "Er. Fun. You know, like the opposite of work. Or am I just bothering you?" Eren asks, feeling confused. He wasn't used to people not opening up to him immediately.

Cade shrugged. He slipped the carving in his pocket and picked up the axle. In concession to Eren, he didn't actually start trying to fix it right away. "I have to work," he said simply. "If I don't work, I don't eat." His tone is flat, not angery. That simply how his life is, how it has always been.

Eren nodded his head. "Yea, that sounds like something my dad would say. If I help you fix the axle, will you play with me then?"

"Pla.. what?" Cade asked, confused. Only little kids actually asked to play, like Daine and his sisters.

Eren scratched his head. "Er... I know that sounds silly, huh? I guess I'm just that bored." Eren laughed nervously. "My brother would probably laugh at me for sounding like a baby right now."

Cade shifted from foot to foot, rubbing his thumb along the axle he still had in his hand. "Why don't you play with him?"

Eren looked at the ground. "He's sick. Father says I have to play with someone else until he gets better but he's always sick and there's never anyone to play with." He tries to hide the sad, bitter tone from his voice. He doesn't want this new kid to think he's some selfish brat.

Cade began fixing the axle as an excuse not to look at Eren. He swallowed hard. "My ma's sick," he whispered.

Eren looked up quickly. "I'm sorry. Is she very sick?" he asked.

Cade nodded. He holds back the tears, but he can feel them threatening to spring to his eyes. "The Chantry says they can't help her."

Eren looked at Cade sadly. "That's what my dad said they told him when my mom died." He fidgeted a bit, trying not to think of the mom he never really got to know.

"My ma is NOT going to die!" Cade snapped. It's the first loud thing he's said this whole time, the first time any emotion has entered his voice.

Eren's eyes widened. "I didn't mean it that way. There's always hope, if the Maker wills it," he said softly. He's repeating what they keep telling him about Jack, but he only half believes them. He's terrified he'll lose his twin just like they lost their mom.

"Never mind," Cade said quickly. "I'm sorry I yelled at you."

Eren stepped forward hesitantly. "No, I'm sorry. I just wanted to make a friend and I ended up putting my big foot in my mouth." He straightened his shoulders a bit. "Let's start over. My name is Eren Culliver, what's yours?" he asks, holding out his hand and smiling, hoping Cade would accept it.

"I'm Cade." He stared at the hand a moment, waiting for Eren put it back down. After awhile though, it became clear he had no other choice. He stuck out his arm and shook the boy's hand, quickly pulling back.

Eren rubbed the back of his neck. "Cade," he says, trying it word out. "So, Cade, do you want to work or play today?"

Cade rolled his eyes and looked down at the axle pointedly. "I told you, I have to work. My father will be looking for me."

Eren sighed. "Well, that stinks," Eren huffed. "Can I help? Maybe the work will be more fun with two of us?"

Cade shrugged. "If you want to."

Eren sat down and grabbed a knife from his belt pouch. He looked up at Cade, another easy smile on his face. "Then let's work!"


	3. Chapter Three

.~.~.~.

Eren kicked his feet lazily back and forth as he stared out his window. It was his birthday but it was the first one he was spending alone. Jack and his father were visiting the Circle again, trying to find a cure for Jack's illness. Eren frowned as he thought of his brother, worry creasing his brow slightly. He was turning fourteen today but without his twin, it seemed like any ordinary day.

_Rat-tap-tap._ Eren startled at the knock on his front door. He stared stupidly at it for a moment before racing towards the door. He yanked it open without thinking to see Cade standing there, eyes wide. "Uh. Hello," Cade mumbled.

Eren smiled wide and pulled him inside. "You came!" was all he could respond with.

Cade peered up at him curiously before shaking his head. "I said I would," he said under his breath.

Eren smiled wider and pulled his new friend towards the kitchen table. "Would you like some tea?" he asked.

The younger boy shook his head. He only drank tea when his mother made him.

Eren raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Oh, how about some hot chocolate?" he asked.

Cade cocked his head. "Hot chocolate?"

"Oh, you'll love it! I'll make some." Eren hummed quietly to himself as he measured out the milk and powdered chocolate into a small kettle. He lit the fire and hung the kettle on an iron hook and stirred quickly with a wooden ladle. He smiled as the chocolate melted and mixed with the milk, turning it a light brown colour. He reached up and grabbed the cinnamon and nutmeg from the cupboard and added a small dash of each to the mixture. Another knock sounded from the doorway and Eren glanced over his shoulder.

"Will you answer to door for me? It's probably Bella," he called out to Cade.

Cade frowned but nodded his head. When he opened the door he saw a girl about his own age with long, bright red hair pulled back in a ponytail. She had a small boy in tow who looked the spitting image of her and a scowl on her face. "I had to bring my brother with, sorry," she said as she walked past Cade. "You must be Eren's new friend; I'm Bella. Nice to meet you." She breathed deeply and sighed. "Maker but that smells delicious, Eren. Tell me you made enough for us all."

Eren smiled at her and nodded. "Of course, Bels. Have a seat."

The girl plopped down in a chair across from Cade and pointed at the table. "Put the cake there, Bran."

The boy carefully placed the cake where his sister told him to and then clamored to sit in his lap. "Cake! Cake!" he cried out and smacked his hand on the table.

Bella rolled her eyes and ruffled his hair. "Be good and you'll get a slice," she answered.

Cade smiled. Bran seemed to be a couple years younger than his sister Daine and he regretted not bringing her along all of sudden. Suddenly Eren set a mug full of dark brown liquid in front of him. He bent over it and inhaled, taking in both the familiar and unfamiliar scents. He recognized cinnamon, which grew in the Wilds along side the Stink Herbs that his mother used to make medicinal teas. The rest was foreign to him, but smelled rich and nutty and sweet. He blew lightly, cooling the mixture with his breath.

Slowly, be brought the mug to his lips and let the hot liquid slide across his tongue and down his throat. It tasted even better than it smelled and he let out a soft sigh of pleasure at the exotic taste.

Eren watched as Cade drank his hot chocolate, smiling to himself. He glanced over at the package Bella had brought. "So, I hear you brought me a cake?" he asked, eyeing the box greedily.

She let out a giggle. "Yes, you lout. And happy birthday." She opened the package and sliced the cake with the sharpened wooden knife she had brought. "You'll enjoy this one. It's a ginger cake."

He licked his lips in eager anticipation but passed the first slice to Cade. Cade wrinkled his nose and sniffed the confection in front of him. It smelled strange to him and he wasn't sure he was going to like it. He took a hesitant bite and grimaced. It was tangy and spicy and sweet all at once and he struggled not to spit it out.

Eren burst out laughing at Cade's expression. Bella frowned. "It isn't that bad, is it?" she asked, arms crossed.

"Cake! Cake is good!" Bran cried out, smacking the table again. He leaned forward and grabbed a large chunk in his fist. "Cake!" He squealed and smashed the piece into his face.

Bella gasped as bits of the ginger cake flew up and hit her in the cheek. "Maker's breath, Bran! Really!" she exclaimed.

Eren continued to guffaw loudly, clutching his sides tightly. He felt a sudden warm feeling overtake him. He had been so lonely only moments ago and now he was laughing with his friends. He wiped a tear from his eye and controlled his laughter. "The cake is good, Bels. Just ask Bran," he chuckled.

Bran smiled beneath a layer of cake. "Cake is very good!" the boy mumbled, food spitting out of his mouth as he spoke.

Bella crinkled her nose in disgust. "Oh, gross. Don't encourage him, Eren."

Cade watched the two speak with a curious expression. He had never really interacted with anyone before, aside from his younger sisters and parents. It was strange, sitting here with these people, laughing and eating together. Was this what it meant having friends? he wondered.

If so, he didn't mind. And he'd even be willing to hang out with this Bella girl who made strange tasting cakes, if it made Eren laugh like this.


	4. Chapter Four

Cade wandered around the small village alone. A restless ache was forming in his chest and he wanted to do something, anything, to burn it off. An itch ran across his fingertips, his magic burning to come to the surface. He tampered it down, holding in the ever present storm that threatened to spill forth.

_Worf, worf!_

His head jerked up at the sudden sound of barking. He walked towards the source of the noise, curiosity getting the better of him. He saw a mangy gray haired mutt backed into a corner, hackles raised and growling. He was surrounded by a pack of much larger dogs that were snarling back at him. Cade bent down, picked up a rock, and threw it in the direction of the beasts.

It hit one of them square of the head, causing the great slobbering things to turn on him, teeth bared viciously. Cade gulped and backed away. The gray mutt took that moment to dart between the distracted pack and whiz past him. He curses low under his breath and turned to run, hoping the dogs wouldn't follow. He could hear them barking and his hope turned to ashes.

He ran as fast as his legs would carry him towards the direction the mutt had gone. When he reached the Chantry steps, he collapsed to his knees, out of breath. A Lay Sister scoffed at him and shooed the dogs away with a shout and glare.

She looked down at him, one eyebrow raised. "You needn't bring such trouble directly to the doors of the Chantry, you know," she sniffed and resumed her position by the Chanter's board.

A Templar recruit in silver armor smiled at him. "She's grumpy with everyone, don't mind her," he quipped with grin. Cade scowled at the blonder hair, golden eyed boy and refused to answer.

The recruit just shrugged amicably and went back to guarding the doors. Cade looked around and noticed the mutt he had saved sitting at the bottom of the stairs, staring and panting up at him. "You. Come here," Cade commanded.

The dog ignored him and plopped itself into a laying position, instead; causing the recruit to chuckle behind him. Cade frowned and stomped towards the dog. "Some thanks for saving your life," he mumbled, bending down to scratch the dog between the ears. The dog perked up at the softer town of the boy's voice and sat up, leaning against Cade's leg. Cade nudged the dog away and walked away, eager to escape the eyes of the Templars, recruit or otherwise.

_Worf, worf! _

Cade turned to see the dog following him, barking happily. "You can't come with me. Pa will say we can't afford to feed you."

The dog just stared up at him with big brown eyes and Cade sighed. "Come on then," he muttered. He slowly made his way towards Eren's place, hoping the older boy would know what to do with the dog.

He rasped his knuckles against the heavy wooden frame and was surprised when a thin, waif like boy answered the door instead. He looked like Eren but his hair was even shorter and his skin clearer, but paler. Jack raised an eyebrow at the sight of the boy and dog. "You must be Eren's friend he won't stop talking of. Come in," the boy said as a way of greeting. He turned around and slowly made his way to the kitchen table. "Eren will be home shortly from training. Father went to bring him home for supper. Have a seat."

Cade hesitantly joined him, regretting his choice in coming when Eren wasn't even home. Jack cleared his throat and grabbed his cup of tea from the table. Breathing in the warm scent of honey, cloves, and peppermint, he took a long sip. Smiling as the flavors danced across his taste buds, he looked across the table at the strange boy his brother had befriended. His hair was dark and messy and a smudge of dirt ran across his chin. His skin was the same warm colour of the Chasind and his eyes darted around the room nervously.

I'm Jack, Eren's twin brother. You're Cade, right?" Jack asked.

He nodded and patted the dog on the head. Jack raised a brow. "Don't talk much, do you?" he asked.

Cade scowled. "I talk when there's something to say," he grumbled.

Jack laughed. "Fair enough, then. Tea?"

He shook his head and eyed the door. "I should go..." he muttered.

Suddenly the door opened and Eren burst in, full of energy even while wearing thick leather armour. He wore a Chantry pendant around his neck and Cade felt his pulse quicken in fear. "Templar.." he whispered.

Eren beamed, seeing Cade there. "You're here! Whats that? Templar? Whose a Templar?" he asked quickly, stripping himself of his armour and placing his sword against the wall.

Cade furrowed his brow in confusion. "Your pendant..."

Eren looked down at the pendant. "I'm an Andrastian. This used to be my mother's before she died. I don't want to hunt mages. I'm going to be a guard for Arl Eamon and become a famous knight," he replied.

"Oh," was all he could say in response. He looked down at the dog and back at Eren. "I brought a dog..." he began, voice trailing off awkwardly.

Eren grinned and knelt down. "Here, boy, come here," he called. The dog padded over to him and licked his fingers. "Well, he's no mabari ward hound but I bet he's loyal. Did you bring this for me?" he asked as he scratched the dog behind the ears.

Cade hesitated a moment before nodding. It was kind of true, anyway. He was rewarded with another bright smile from Eren and he wondered if there was anything that didn't make him happy.

"Great, now you won't whine so much when I leave," Jack teased.

Eren rolled his eyes. "At least the dog won't leave stinky socks around the house," he shot back, laughter in his eyes. He turned his attention back to Cade. "Whats his name?"

Cade shrugged. "Doesn't have a name," he answered.

"Hmm. Then, he's nameless?" He grabbed the dog's face and looked into it's eyes. "How's that sound boy? Nameles?"

Cade shuffled and eyed the door again. "I should probably go..." he muttered.

Eren looked up and frowned. "Go? Why? You should stay for supper."

"My parents would wonder where I was," Cade answered slowly.

Eren stood up quickly. "Then you'll tell them where you are. Me and Nameles will come with!"

Cade's eyes widened. "Uh..." He wasn't used to people being so enthusiastic about having his company. But Eren was staring at him with hopeful eyes and he didn't want to disappoint him. "I guess so," he replied.

It wasn't far to the tavern where Cade and his family were staying. They walked in silence, Nameles happily bouncing back and forth between them. Cade's fingers itched again but he pushed it down almost automatically this time. He felt calmer this time so the magic in him felt easier to control. He wondered, idly, if magic was somehow connected to emotions.

Eren glanced up the hill at the dusty tavern. The owner's son, Lloyd stood outside with a smug expression on his face. Eren faked a smile and waved.

Lloyd stared down his nose at Cade. "Your father has been searching for you. Something about your mother," he sniffed.

Cade's eyes opened wide. Pulse beating fast, he raced inside and up the stairs to the rooms above. He could hear Eren's footsteps as the boy followed him. He yanked open the door to their room and froze. His father was standing beside his mother's bed, staring blankly at the wall. His mother was propped up on some pillows and her skin was paler than normal. Cade felt his heart drop to his stomach. His sisters were crying by the bed and Daine rushed up to him as soon as she noticed him. She wrapped her arms around his legs and cried.

Cade fell to his knees and numbly put his arms around her. No tears fell but his whole world felt like it was spinning wildly. She was gone. He'd never hear her read another story from her tattered leather bound book. He'd never see her smile while making bread in the morning or see her dance with Daine and Alia while their father strummed a mandolin before bed. She'd never laugh or sing again. It wasn't fair, he thought bitterly. He could have healed her, if he had training. She shouldn't have died this way.

He felt a hand gently on his shoulder and looked to see Eren there, a look of understand and sorrow on his face. Cade nodded awkwardly at him and disentangled herself from Daine. He stood up and walked over to his father. He touched his arm and his father whirled around, smacking him and knocking him to the ground. "Where were you?" he roared. "Where were you when your mother was dying?"

Cade felt tears come to his eyes as blood dribbled out his lip. "I'm sorry," he mumbled.

His father sighed. "Just, get out of my sight for a little while, boy," he muttered, turning back to look down at his dead wife.

He stood up and wiped the blood from his chin. He grabbed the book from the table, his mother's favorite thing, and darted off. Eren followed him, worry etched on his face.

"Cade, wait up!" he shouted and chased the boy down the stairs and out the front door. Cade kept running until he reached the lake, where he sank to his knees and clutched the book to his chest.

Eren sank down next to him and waited, staring out as the sun began to set over the water. Locusts chirped noisily and a cool breeze blew across his skin. His mind was full of heavy thoughts but he kept a calm expression, for Cade's sake.

Eventually, Cade sat back and handed the book to Eren. "How many stories are in here?" he asked.

Eren took the book and opened it carefully. Glancing at the pages, his eyes widened. "None. This is a textbook written by the scholar, Brother Genitivi."

Cade frowned and snatched the book back. "No, it's a story book. My mother read me many stories from it," he mumbled turning the book this way and that, trying to understand the squiggly lines on the pages.

"You can't read, can you?" Eren asked gently.

He glared at Eren and shut the book with a snap. "Why?" he asked defensively.

"You're mother, she probably made those stories up," Eren offered cautiously.

Cade's eyes narrowed for a moment before closing completely. He sighed and nodded. "You're porbably right," he answered.

Eren grabbed the book and opened it again. "It's interesting, if you want me to read you some of it?" he asked.

Cade paused a moment before nodding. Eren cleared his throat and began. "Gold-skinned giants said to hail from an eastern land across the Boeric Ocean..."


End file.
